What’s happiness… Maybe letting go… 

I’ve learned in my 30 years on earth “things” rarely bring me happiness. In fact I almost feel they’ve held me back. I had the same bedroom  furniture since I was little. During the trading spaces era I repainted the bedroom furniture and had it until 5 years ago. I was moving back to Indiana for a couple of what I  thought were opportunities and my high school bestie, Katie suggested I  sell it. The best feeling ever. It was like I let go of my little girl personality and years of low self esteem. It was freeing for my creative soul.

Now as I have felt like I “paused” my life for a year searching for the right career move I’m doing it again. Since moving for a job that turned out to be a very bad decision,  I stare at this piece I picked up in Fort Wayne where I loved living. Everytime I sit in my sparsely furnished living room I cry when I see it. I lost a job I loved because I was layed off. I attach my beloved ft. Wayne with the piece and it holds me back.  It’s the opportunity that got away. I won’t get it back and need to move forward! Also,  money is tight as I struggle to find my footing and I think money could fuel my dream so why do I keep this material item that is a constant reminder of dreams deterred?

After I ransacked my storage boxes and sold old expensive planner binders from college, candle holders and other “things” I kept but never used for a decade,  EBay was my God sent. It felt like a cleanse I could have used before the last two moves!  All these items are replaceable. I sold all jewelry that I bought when rich from my grandpa’s inheritance. I kept a few rings handed down to me from my G and Mom. The money I made  bought me tires. Tires that take me to spend time with my 92 year old grandma. Time I’d never get back.

Do I have my (grandmas) G’s  furniture , nope. My brother was like a vulture and took EVERYTHING. a couple years ago when I spent 5 days in ICU with G and almost lost her to a heart attack I asked my brother for one piece. He refused. Then I realized I have memories with her which is a lot more valuable than a hutch. I am the only one she can consistently depend on. In fact I was so proud when she called my brother and said  “Mandi can’t keep buying me tissue and things I need,  you need to help” he did which made me grateful. I was proud of G because she usually relies on me. She hates confrontation and well I don’t care to confront people. It’s my charming personality.

So today I sold that piece in my living room,  the feeling was liberating. So if furniture is important to you, keep it. For me,  my happiest moments are studying in Mexico for 7 weeks,  traveling to Hawaii on my own,  going to NYC to see Broadway and living in a new place on my own like Raleigh, NC. So I like my closet full of clothes to take me on adventures and a make-up collection to make me feel beautiful on those adventures. Don’t let material things anchor you to a life you don’t want. If the material things help you grow, keep them. Sometimes you have to let go of who you were to become who you’re meant to be.

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