The worst had happened, my phone died as I was trying to Netflix and chill. I know, the end was near. Ha. So I plugged in my phone and nodded off at 8 on a Friday night. Sad. I had a horrible week as a temporary factory girl that lacked the glorification of an Andy Warhol piece of art. I was feeling low. So I just fell asleep so I didn’t have to feel. Meanwhile my phone received multiple messages from a “close Friend” fine a booty call. We were supposed to hang today but per usual because I allow him to call the shots, he decided to hit me up then. It’s frustrating as I’m lonely in a life transition.
So I woke up feeling guilty for falling asleep. Why did I feel guilty!? I felt I let myself down. Had I not felt badly I would’ve had fun and company I really needed. Then I realized if I were worth anything to him he would find the time. He had no plans to at the time. For a ridiculous reason or two I still secretly had hope he’d change his mind or his libido.
So I took my sad ass to breakfast. That’s when she smiled and made me see the whole picture. I noticed her happy demeanor and realized I knew this 15 year old, I had subbed as a teacher in her severe and profound class at the local middle school. I noticed with her parents she was free from her wheelchair which was cool. I suddenly felt the gaze of someone as I was drinking my coffee. It was her smiling at me like she remembered our short time together. Had I made an impact? Had I made her feel good because I was kind? She then taps her Mom and points at me. Her Mom waved. That felt like what I think a million dollars would feel like in the bank of my feelings and heart. I do remember our time. She had limited communication so she points mainly and shakes her head yes or no. We counted monopoly money. She had an infectious spirit.
When days happen like today I remember even though I’m in transition and have lost friends who really weren’t my friends when times got tough, I try to remember I have a purpose. So God, nice play today. You win.