When the shit hit the fan in May I went to the help of some crappy friends, Ben & Jerry. They suck because those bastards caused me to gain 10 pounds of FEELINGS…that added to an already overweight body. However, I still wanted more. So I ate more. I could never eat enough to get rid of the frustration , loneliness and sadness. So today I stopped.
I have been saying for months I wanted to eat better. Take control of my sitch and make my life better for it. Today I got up, headed to Starbucks and sipped my espresso like usual. I looked at the picture I took a month ago of the famous mirror full length selfie and tears filled my eyes. How, after I realized I couldn’t swallow all my feelings, did I keep adding to my small 5 foot figure?
There were moments I threw my unhealthy arms in the air. I’d stuff myself with 6 large cookies, 3 krispy kreme doughnuts and yes, almost a half gallon (only because they changed the size of the container because I ate the whole thing with a spoon) of the Twinkie edy’s ice cream in ONE SITTING. That was last week. I was ashamed of who I let myself become. Yesterday I ran for fast food and it tasted bad. The food was fine. It was my mind. My mind was set on the image I uploaded to my phone wallpaper of the last time I wore anything but yoga stretchy pants. Yep I have a selfie of myself on my phone. Maybe people will think I’m into myself? HELL YA I AM. I am the one who has to love me before I will allow a guy or anyone to love me. So it’s about time I got my shit together. Time heals all wounds. Let’s. Do. This. MANDI. ya I don’t just do self talk but I do self writing too. I’m multi talented. 🤗
What I know for sure, you will NEVER eat all your feelings. They will always be there till you get rid of them through writing, time and lots of good old therapy. Take a deep breath. Be grateful you finally realized the reality. AND for the love of yourself, be better when your moment comes.