How do you forgive?

My brother is on this list. That picture is a sum of how he’s treated me my whole life. My close friend said people can’t grasp how badly he treats me until you witness us together for 15 minutes. I vividly remember sitting in my room at 13 and him telling me “you just have to face it,  you’re ugly,  Mandi” to slamming my hand in a car door to giving me diet pills at Christmas. I’m not going to name all the people in this blog but in the following you can maybe find a way to forgive as well.

I find it difficult because I always do unto others how I’d like to be treated in most cases as I’m not perfect. I’ve asked a psychiatrist on methods to forgive. Dr. Ann Hague says either saying why you are hurt out loud or writing it out will work too. I find doing both helps. So what do you include?  Write or speak on how that person has hurt you. Literally write everything you can think of on why you feel angry or hurt. Also I found it helpful to say why it’s good they aren’t in your life or why they shouldn’t be. I also wrote the positives on how what they did may have taught me a valuable lesson. I also found when I wrote out why I was hurt, the reason wasn’t even worth my time!  So Then recite it or read it and when you feel you’ve got all the pain out,  tear up the paper or notes. Burn them. Shred them. You have to literally physically let go so you can heal. It may take reciting or writing or doing both several times. I even deleted messages from someone from my phone as well, which I never do(I like keeping messages as memories)

It’s so important because you want to be better not bitter. The thing is it doesn’t bother the person who caused your pain. This only causes you to continue to live in the past and not be present. I’ve often used time to heal pain in the past. Time does help but you don’t have time to waste because your best moments are NOW. I certainly don’t want to miss out on opportunities because I’m focused on someone or something that treated me unfairly,  do you?

Let’s grab our moments and forget those who don’t ever think about how we are doing. Why give someone who doesn’t care about you  so much power? We can with practice take the power back. Go be better not bitter.

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