I was 7 when my Dad went to heaven. I was 10 when my Mom had a stroke and went blind. I remember the moment I knew my childhood had officially ended.
It was a sunny Sunday. I had a great time at sunday school. The church bus dropped me off at my home like the bus did every Sunday. This time I’d walk into something very scary.
My type I Diabetic Mom had knocked over a tall lamp as she fell underneath it because she was having an insulin reaction and trying to find her stash of sugar blindly. I knew then that because My grandma (my Mom’s mom) who moved in with us was at work I was left to “babysit” my Mom. I was able to assist her and she was just bruised from the accident. However, I knew I would miss out on what other adolescents got to do. No I couldn’t ride bikes that afternoon. I even had a group science project with two so called “friends” dump me because they said I’d be busy taking care of my Mom. I was once chosen to compete with upper classman on the speech team as a freshman but couldn’t go because my Mom needed me to empty her port a potty and wipe her butt.
I never had a date or a boyfriend in high school. I did all the good girl things, helped my Mom, worked at my Papaw Bud’s cafeteria, was successful on the speech team(when I could go) and went to church.
I see how young kids have sex because of pressure in high school and then I’m glad I was different. However, I never went to prom. when I got to High School there was less babysitting my Mom because my Grandma (G Michaels) retired. By that time I was too insecure because of things I missed out on like a date at the movies etc.
I went through college focused on TV and radio. I gained the freshman 15 every year, lol. I had bills and mortgage to pay because My Mom died my senior year of high school so I split everything with G.
When I graduated Ball State, my Papal Bud died leaving me over $100 grand and some. I paid for some school, invested in mutual funds and in the home I owned( a quarter of with my brother and G owned half). It had no mogtage but upkeep. I worked in radio so I supplemented my income with my inheritance. I saved in high school but spent that for college. So when I got 100 grand (after taxes) I unlearned the meaning of saving. I bought two new cars in a decade and went on trips in my 20s. By the end of my 20’s it was mostly gone. Although I invested and spent the money modestly, you’d be surprised how 100 grand isn’t as much as you think. So for 10 years I had it made.
So now I have to save again? As an adult it’s much harder to relearn when I only did it in my teens on a part time job. So there is that.
It was also harder to date because I hadn’t in my teens or in college. I just had so much emotion to deal with, I waved it away.
Finally I started dating in my late 20s. I had this thing none of my friends had….my V card. It held me back in relationships. The good guys didnt want to take it. We’d break up. Then the ones who did, it was just a challenge for them and I’d break up with them.
I held onto it for a long time. It wasn’t for religious beliefs although I am Christian, I don’t believe that way. Then one day I said I am ready and knew my fear was not the meaning of the act but STDS. I listened in health class, thanks Mr. Peckinpaugh. So I grabbed condoms at the gyno and had them on me so if I felt the guy was someone I cared about and vice versa then I’d be ready emotionally and physically safe.
So, that day happened. We had a couple drinks and had the condom under my bed(a girl scout is prepared) and was it fireworks? No. Was it what I decided to do, yes. Did I enjoy it, yes. The guy was kind and unlike a teenager knew what he was doing. He actually was 10 years older than me. I actually to this day am unsure if he knew. He probably did. We saw each other for a little bit.
I’m different. Maybe you weren’t on the same track like society wants you to be as well? Know this: I’ve had great things happen because I’m different and a little awkward. I met Monica from friends. I got to go to NYC with the best theatre group for free. I met Whoopi Goldberg for God sakes!
What I’m saying is you don’t have to be on someone else’s timeline to be good or successful at life. Sure I’ve compared my life to societies’ time line and cried a lot. However, I kinda like that there’s definitely noone with my story.
Why fit in when you’re born to stand out? Dr. Suess